The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
