I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
