walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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