She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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