3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
im six kinds of drunk right now
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
