And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
