Please, let me fuck your mom
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
How's work?
Spinning.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
