and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
