mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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