:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
