Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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