Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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