i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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