And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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