Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
how drunk are you?
Several
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
