just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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