Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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