She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
