Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
PANTIES FOUND
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