No stitches, just platelets and will power
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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