i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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