Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Quick, to the slutcave!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
