my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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