Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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