Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
