u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
