yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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