you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
