So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
