Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
