Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
