Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
