He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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