As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
