Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
