you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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