So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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