I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
