I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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