he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
