She said her name was "party"
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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