im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Randomize
