The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
