DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
