Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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