he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
