I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
