so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They took my balls.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
