Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
