He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
