so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
