how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
