At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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