I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
