Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
