2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
