I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Pants are for mortals
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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