watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
