Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
