If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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